God gave me a beautiful picture during the Silent Weekend. Something that had nothing to do with the topic at all. We were actually all meditating on the same Bible passage where Jesus heals blind Bartimaeus. And it was touching to feel my way into the story, to slip into the role of Bartimaeus myself. And to experience that Jesus stops for me. He takes the time and allows being interrupted. He even asks me what I want him to do for me.
I sat on the floor in front of a deep glass window with a view of the beautiful monastery garden. Watched titmice and even jays hopping around the tree and on the ground in front of me. It was snowing at first, but then the sun came out a bit and lit up the forest and mountains in the background. It was nice to pray with this view, read the Bible and write in my diary. Here I am completely myself. Close to Jesus.
At some point, I lay down on my back and looked up at the sky. Fast clouds drifted in the sky, dissolved and reformed. My heart was full and I wanted to be still and enjoy and listen. And then God asked me in my heart: Do you want to be a cloud for me, Julia? I was almost briefly disappointed at first. A cloud? Why a cloud of all things? Wouldn't it be better to be a tree or a bird? Clouds are so intangible, so fleeting, so inconspicuous. Barely there and then gone again. Nothing permanent. Do I want to be a cloud?
Then God reminded me how important and good clouds are. They bring rain and shade. And that they go where the wind blows them. They don't decide for themselves what their destination is and where they go. In Hebrew, wind and spirit are the same word: ruach. It is also the word for the Holy Spirit. The wind blows where it wants...
God's people in the desert were blessed by a very special cloud. God himself dwelt in this cloud and showed them the way.
Clouds are particularly important in the desert. They bring rain and shade.
Do I want to be a cloud for God's people, for his church? A cloud that brings blessing? A cloud that is driven by the Holy Spirit?
Clouds are light and malleable. They are easy to guide, they are not bulky, cumbersome or stubborn. Clouds fly, the wind can easily push them.
Yes, I want to be driven by God! His pace. His direction. His form. His purpose.
The cloud can't move on its own. It can't puff itself up. It needs wind and humidity.
I want to be filled, shaped and guided by God! For his glory. For his joy. God plays with the clouds, he rides on them. How big he is. I wonder what the world looks like from above when you are that big. I would love to be cloud. Then I can fly too. Float over some obstacles. But maybe I'll get stuck on a mountain at some point, too. As a cloud, you never know exactly where you're going… But the wind knows!
Yes, being a cloud sounds more exciting than I first thought. It makes me happy to be a cloud.
I love experiencing stories like that with God.
It´s God who fills clouds with rainwater and hurls lightning from them every which way.
He puts them through their paces - first this way, then that - commands them to do what he says all over the world.
Job 37:12
Open up heavens and rain. Clouds, pour out buckets of my goodness!
Loosen up, earth, and bloom salvation; sprout rigth living.
I, God, generate all this.
Isaiah 45:8