Doubts and fatigue crept in. Is my second book as good as the first one? Or should I have worked harder on my phrasing or the story in general? Who am I anyway to write books?
And then I find myself on stage in front of 150 people promoting my new book.
And then I prepare a reading with a concert.
And then I write nice things about myself for my publisher's author presentation on social media.
Too much stage and attention? I just want to dream and pray and write!
Is the hype not good for me? Is it distracting me? Do I become proud and independent, squeeze myself into molds that don't fit me?
I was restless for four days. An intense church-camp-weekend was behind us, too. It was time for a break alone! I needed my favorite forest: Gnadenwald and the Hinterhornalm! Yesterday I went there with a longing in my heart: Will God speak to me? And if so, what?
It was late summer warm, no one else on my small, steep path up the mountain.
At one point, still quite far down, my path crosses the “way of contemplation”, a hiking trail with nice signs for reflection along the way. My path crosses at my favorite board. Once again, I took the time to read it and it encouraged me: I may shine! My shining points to God and encourages others to shine as well! It was like an encouraging pat on the back from God: "On stage with you! I am the spotlight, and you are shining for me!"
On the steep path further up, I took a closer look at the trees and grasses. How autumn changes them. The leaves dry out. Then they fall off. And I thought: I don't want to dry out as those leaves! I hope that new ideas and stories will always grow in me and that I won't be empty at some point. And then, suddenly, there was this kids’ song in my head: "All my sources are in you." Jesus is my source! And this source never runs dry. It gives creativity and new life. If I am firmly connected to him, new things will always grow. I am alive because I am attached to Him. He is my source of fresh water. I'm not going to dry up because the spring never runs dry. That calmed me down and lifted me up. I leaned against a warm, rough pine trunk and held my face gratefully towards the sun.
Further up I sat down in the warm grass to take a break. I looked far into the valley. And admired the pine trees nearby. And then I read a bit of a novel from the library. About a woman in a midlife crisis who simply walks away and wanders across Germany. She meets different people along the way. She learns from a friend that she shouldn't doubt herself because she can do more than she thinks. And there was the third encouragement from God: "Do not doubt yourself! Keep going!"
God has once again showered me with His grace in the “Forest of Grace” (name of the wood).
My Sabbath on the mountain.
God's love poured into my heart.
New courage to go further. Because He's right by my side.
-Just don't run away. Stay close to Jesus!
You´re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors of the world.
God is not a secret to be kept. We´re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill.
If I make you light-bearers, you don´t think I´m going to hide you under a bucket, do you?
I´m putting you on a light stand. Now that I´ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand - shine!
Keep open house; be generous with your lives.
By opening up to others, you´ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.
Matthew 5: 14-16