I just turned up the heat, put on a second sweater and made myself some tea. It's hard to believe that it's mid-May... But I enjoy having a quiet morning all by myself now. Time with God and my thoughts, time to recharge and reflect. Time to be.
"I am" is the name of God, that´s how he introduces himself to Moses. It is the most Holy Name of God, "YHWH," which the Jews never pronounce out loud. And yet we also say "I am" when we talk of ourselves, except that it does not stand on its own. I am Julia. The first part of my being resembles God´s name himself. And then there's a bunch of adjectives to add: I am tired, happy, confused... This is constantly changing. God does not change. He is never tired, and his love never quits. We need God's presence to know who we are.
I'm one of those people, who if I'm around people too much, or it gets too busy, don't really feel myself anymore. My perception is overwhelmed and I get tired. Alone with God, in nature or a quiet room, everything clears up again and moves into the right perspective. I know who I am again.
But if it is for a common program, like Sunday Service, I don't find many people so tiring. Because then there is a clear focus and I don't have to constantly adapt and realign my attention, like in an open conversation with many people. Alternately talking and listening in several directions... That makes me tired.
I've noticed that a lot of people in our churches are tired. There are a lot of programs going on and for a small church that is a lot of work. For some families it is too much, and I understand when they need more time for themselves. Perhaps we free churches put the level too high. Every Sunday we have a full program: moderation, communion, sermon, music, children's program, consumption, technique, cleaning... There are quite a few people busy before and during the service. In a Catholic Church, the liturgy is often always the same, only the sermon changes. But sometimes I think, boring isn't always bad either. And I noticed another difference: in an ancient church there is an altar instead of a stage up front, and the priest does not always look at the congregation, but often also turns to the front. He then looks in the same direction as everyone else, to the altar, to the cross, to God. With us evangelicals, we have to be careful that sometimes the stage doesn't become too much of a stage... We want to focus on God together. Maybe God sometimes finds it too much of a show we throw for Him? Or maybe we sometimes even steal the show from Him? I do like to talk on stage myself. And often it is ok and a good thing...
What would it be like if we just sat in the audience as worship leaders, with our instruments, and all looked in the same direction and sang together?
It makes me think why so many believers are burned out and tired. Probably more time to rest and for reflection is needed. Also in church services. Time for personal devotion and silence. Not so much pre-chewed knowledge and presented wisdom. I am often happy to pass on my knowledge, but isn't it better for others to discover for themselves? Maybe we should rethink our worship services. A place to recharge your batteries. Not to stuff the mind with information. More feeling and less talk. It needs courage to give room.
Jesus said that we should come to Him when we are tired and worn out. He wants to give us rest and refreshment for our souls. Not an additional mandatory program.
What is needed in a burnout?
Enough lamp oil. I never understood the parable of the virgins. Jesus called them "The Smart Virgins" and I always thought of them more like "The Wicked Virgins". They didn't want to share their oil and sent their colleagues away to buy oil themselves, so that it would not be too little for all of them. But then I started to understand that the oil for the lamps must come from God Himself. If I want to keep shining for God while waiting for the Bridegroom, I need to let God give me my fill of oil so that I don't burn out. And this oil is only for me. It would not be good if others came to me to fill their needs instead of going to God. You have to go to God yourself! Otherwise, they would fall into a false dependency and I would burn out. That's setting a healthy boundary! And when I see tired, burnt-out christians, it relieves me to know that it's not me who needs to refill their lamps. I'm someone who quickly feels responsible for too much. But I get to keep my oil. "Go to God and buy your own oil!" is not a cold-hearted dismissal. It´s the only option. Only God can refill burnt-out, empty lamps. The smart virgins must not allow themselves to be distracted from their mission: to wait for the bridegroom and shine for him. Otherwise, everyone would be wandering around in search of oil and no one would be in their place when He comes! Imagine, Jesus comes and no one is there!
There are so many distractions. So much of too much. That's one reason why I like minimalism: to focus on the essentials. Probably, this would also be a good thing for us in our faith and in our worship services. What can we get rid of?
In any case, not of the oil.
I will make my Goodness pass right in front of you;
I´ll call out the name, GOD, right before you;
I´ll treat well whomever I want to treat well and I´ll be kind to whomever I want to be kind.
Exodus 33:19