I'm learning a lot right now. God is working on me. It's not always easy and some realization hurts, but it's good because it brings healing and growth. It seems to me that I am stumbling from one topic to another and yet everything is intertwined. I read about the refusal to give advice in a biography and “5 things to consider when giving or receiving advice” on a minimalism blog. I stumble upon a YouTube video about co-dependency that gives me a lot to think about my friendships. I read in the introduction booklet of a course that we start in our small group about guidelines for listening. I listen to a talk on the internet on a completely different topic and learn that interrupting is also a form of listening – with the tip to write down your thoughts while listening instead so as not to forget them and stay focused.
God puts different pieces of the puzzle at my feet and I'm still collecting and sorting. Are these all the parts for this topic now or is there more to come? I start by assembling and trying it out and then suddenly a new, helpful aspect comes along. Surprise! This topic is so complex (all topics?)! There are so many approaches and perspectives. Experiences and imprints from the past, personality types, insights from neurobiology. Wrong patterns, exaggerated fears. But also just tiredness, distraction and misunderstandings. I really want to learn to listen. But not necessarily the way I think you do it. I want to be open to God's way with me personally. I am not like others. But I want to learn to love, to respect, to let go. To accept the other (and also me!) as they are. Let be without wanting to repair, without giving quick advice. Allow feelings, even the negative ones, without wanting to save the other from them. But the goal seems so far away! It´s easy to read the theory but it is so difficult to practice! But you can practice it, they say. And practicing also means making mistakes. If I adjust to the fact that I can't learn it quickly, I might not give up so quickly.
I have already planned various small challenges for this year. One is not to give advice for a week. None. I! The other is to start a listening book to write down my thoughts. I write what I wanted to interrupt while listening. I can decide afterwards whether I still want to say it or not. I can look at what thoughts and ideas I've had and don't forget them while the other is finishing talking. It's ok that my brain works in parallel. I want to use the positive without overwhelming others. Learn to get involved with the other and give them time to formulate their thoughts. Listen consciously and write down seemingly important side thoughts and put them to the side, where they belong. Perceive and let go. Me and the others. Invite God into the conversations. Pray while I listen. Is it possible to stretch time? Thinking, listening, reflecting, sorting out, praying, all at the same time? I think listening is art! I can't do it. But maybe I can get a little better if I practice it. Without getting too frustrated when I fail again. Just practice it. God's grace is new every morning. I always get a new chance to practice!
"Being listened to is so close to being loved that most people don´t know the difference." David Augsburger
Carefully build yourselves up in this most holy faith
by praying in the Holy Spirit,
staying right in the center of God´s love,
keeping your arms open and outstretched,
ready to receive the mercy of our Master, Jesus Christ.
Jude 20