One of the most challenging sentences I've ever read and that keeps me busy is:
"Do everything without haste and hurry and you will grow spiritually." Dallas Willard.
Stress is very individual, but haste and hurry are not good for anyone. The stupid thing is, if I'm not careful and I am stressed, I automatically get fast. I go fast, I cook fast, I talk fast. Being slow and paying attention is something I have to practice consciously over and over again. Maybe I should live in Switzerland for some time! No, that would be of no use. (We Austrians make fun of the slow talking Swiss, both talking German.)
A few years ago, I heard about the inner drives that keep us from calming down. There are five driver behaviours that we learn as a child, and which drive us unconsciously:
-Be perfect
-Hurry up
-Please people
-Be strong
-Try hard
(You can find a "driver test" online for finding out your personal driver.)
If you score a lot of points in one or more areas, both your performance and your health are at risk. You think your driver can help you to get success and honor, but it only leads to stress in yourself and others and thus to the opposite of what you hope for!
For me, it is "Hurry up!" Unfortunately, not only when working (it would also be better to be slower in my work. Who says I need to clean and cook quickly? And shop fast?) Maybe that's why I like to write, that doesn't stress me out. Concentrated thinking is not fast. But talk! Oh if I could change that! I'm responding so quickly! Even my chemistry teacher tried to teach me to think quietly first and then respond. She didn't let me correct my wrong answer, even though I knew why it was wrong. That was very frustrating. Somewhere my brain thinks it must have an immediate answer when someone asks a question. Very impractical! And this despite the fact that I like to think and reflect on things. Written. I would probably always need a preparation time. Not always possible.
But it helps to know the problem. I can practice consciously taking time to do things slowly. Sometimes I go for a slow walk. At least a few feet before I get faster again... Or I slowly hang up the laundry. That's really a challenge for me! So much is automatically fast. That's why I always need a siesta and have to make regular stops. Which is good, because otherwise I would collapse at some point. Why do I think I need to be fast?
What bothers me most is that I am too fast with people. And if it's stressful, it only gets worse.
Our drivers are activated when an important need is not met. There is an automatic, unreflected behavior that is not helpful. Our inner driver is our personal stress booster!
The one-minute meditation can help with stress: just breathe and perceive your body for one minute.
What is my need? My motivation? My goal?
There are helpful allower sentences: I can take my time. I am allowed to take breaks.
But it takes patience, practice, and appreciation for myself.
This "hurry up" driver leads to stress through hectic. A negative spiral. If I'm too fast, more mistakes happen, and I lose time.
The focus is on the future instead of the now. One is often already mentally at the next task.
However, this driver often helps to find quick solutions and to work effectively.
Hectic talk a lot and quickly, and stress others as well. With their speed, they ignore needs – their own and those of others. They often fail to enjoy. Eat too fast.
It can help to remove three words from your vocabulary: fast, quick and short! (Not: I'll make a short call. I´ll do a fast shopping. I quickly go to the bathroom...! Rather: I´ll make a call. I go shopping. I'll go to the bathroom.) How often do we say short and fast! We think this is polite because we don't want to make anyone wait, but the truth is that it stresses us out and the others as well. We have time!
It's also important to say "no" more often, or "yes and" (yes, I take care of the task and I do that when I have time).
As I slow down my pace of life, I can perceive more, meet my own needs, and others can keep up better.
(Tips from: resilienz-akademie.com, stress due to hectic)
Let's see if I can put it into practice!
What drives you? There are helpful tips for each of the five drivers.
Jesus says, "Come to me, I will give you rest."
We don't have to optimize ourselves. He wants to give us rest. He wants me to come.
I wish I can hear this "Come!" from Jesus when I'm stressed. And then accept the interruption. A stop, a pause, silence.
My stress does not do me any good and does not help others either. If I manage to take my eyes off my current goal and take a look at Jesus, then I did it! I came.
He will give me rest. Jesus is always there.
Even if I'm socializing in a group for some time (which stresses me out), I can always look away for a moment and focus on Jesus. I don't have to impress or satisfy anyone. But you forget that when you concentrate on other people. There are fears and worries that also stress us unconsciously. We want to belong. But this focus makes everything worse.
Peter sank when he looked at the waves. But looking at Jesus saved him and gave him victory. It was the same with David. He did not allow himself to be intimidated by Goliath but looked at the one who is much bigger.
Coming to Jesus. Again and again.
Looking at Jesus. Again and again.
God does not respond to what we do; we respond to what God does.
We´ve finally figured it out. Our lives get in step with God and all others by letting him set the pace,
not by proudly or anxiously trying to run the parade.
Romans 3:28
Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions.
Don´t worry about missing out. You´ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
Give your attention to what God is doing right now, and don´t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow.
Matthew 6:33-34