Another summer break is just around the corner (it is already really hot but the school year in Austria isn´t finished yet) and we have not booked a holiday appartement. Again. But this year we desperately want to spend some time at the sea finally! Beaches, waves, wide open spaces!
We have already spent a few hours searching on the internet (such searches are really exhausting and time consuming. And for 5 adults it´s not that easy to find something cheap AND nice. We are just one person more than an average family and nobody likes to sleep in a kitchen corner...) Croatia and Italy are our possible destinations by car (our country has no coast and the pandemic caused changing traveling conditions). Although we can´t find a house directly at the beach, there is still something. If only we knew for sure that in a month it would still be possible to travel and that restrictions would not suddenly be imposed again! (We don´t want to pay for the cancelling.) So we are watching the development a little longer. And wait.
In fact, it has never been certain whether you can really start a journey or not. There are a lot of things that can happen anytime. But this pandemic has unsettled us and shaken confidence in planning the future. Although our future has never been in our hands. It is sobering, but good, to see that God alone knows the future and that all our planning depends on him. We can plan and move forward. Even if we don't see anything. And remain open to his intervention. Be attentive to his hints.
The Israelites followed the Pillar of Cloud. When the Cloud rose, they moved on, when it settled, they set up camp. -And never knew for how long. God had known what they needed and what was good for them. Only with the Cloud it was safe traveling.
God stood in Balaam's way when he rode to Balak to curse Israel. Balaam himself was not attentive enough whether this was God's will. Only his donkey saw the armed angel who blocked their way. It's good that at least the donkey listens to God. This saves Balaam's life and opens his eyes. I hope that I also have a God-fearing donkey nearby when I am on the wrong path. But it could also be a broken car if necessary. In any case, I want to remain steerable!
Jesus says that we must let him lead if we want to follow him. That means giving up control. Trust.
We love being in control of our lives. Make plans. We want to know what happens next. But: God knows better what we need. We must fix our eyes on him, and not on our plans. I want to remain steerable, not only with our holiday plans. Be open to his suggestions. Do I really think I know better? Do I still want to enforce my own plans and make my life more complicated and stressful than necessary? I could save a lot of energy by looking at Jesus, trusting and follow his lead.
-I'm stuck in a traffic jam and late for an appointment? What's the point of pulling up my shoulders, grit my teeth and nervously looking back and forth between the traffic light and the clock? I have to accept the circumstances and make the best of the situation. Let go.
And this also applies to other areas of life. As in the wise prayer: "God give me the serenity to accept things that I cannot change. The courage to change things I can change. And the wisdom to distinguish one from the other." Old but still true and good. Something we have to practice again and again.
Sometimes God leads us difficult paths that we do not want to go. We put our feet in the ground and refuse to go any further. But the good shepherd has a plan and knows what lies ahead. Perhaps there is a wonderful pasture just behind that dark, dangerous gorge! But we do not want to go through the valley, but rather stay and look for the last dried-up blades of grass. Will the sheep trust the shepherd enough to follow him anyway?
Do I trust God more than my own sense? More than my feelings? Even more than my experiences?
Is this shepherd really wise, powerful, good and full of love? Expert for everything, including me?
Letting go and following is not easy for us. Children clearly have an advantage here!
Peter and the other disciples were horrified when Jesus told them that he would suffer and they protested. They wanted to protect him! They wouldn't let that happen!
Here's what Jesus says:
"You have no idea how God works.
Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You are not in the driver´s seat; I am. Don´t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to saving yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you?" (Mark 8:34-37)
I know I can't get everything I want.
But maybe it is still possible to spend some time at the sea this year?
How blessed all those in whom you live,
whose lives become roads you travel;
One day spent in your house beats thousands spent on Greek island beaches.
He leads through lonesome valleys but also to cool springs.
All sunshine and sovereign is God,
generous in gifts and glory.
He doesn´t scimp with his traveling companions.
It´s smooth sailing all the way with God-of-the-Angel-Armies.
Psalm 84
I just made myself a cup of tea right now. It´s an Asian tea that happens to have proverbs on the label. God has humor: "Your true nature is trust" is written on it!