Last week was full of worries for one of our children. And it was a week Jesus guided me with his love. Especially with small things (it´s always the small things, isn´t it?). I was able to let go of plans and to just wait. And that's not something that comes with my natural temperament! Normally I fill waiting time. Always. Somehow.
I couldn't be with my child in the emergency room in the hospital because of the Corona situation (if mine can still be called children). And then I noticed that my
child had also forgotten the phone in the car! I was worried and I could not do anything to help but wait.
But this time I did not fill the waiting and distracted myself from my worries. I sat in the car in front of the hospital and looked up to the cloudy evening
sky above the mountain range, prayed and waited.
I did not go shopping. Did not read anything. I did not scan the news or Instagram on my phone.
I waited. Then I called the hospital. And then I waited some more. And in this time God touched me. I was able to let go of the situation. I trusted him. And I looked at the mountains and the sky and sensed how great God is. He told me to
wait. And that´s what I did. Simply wait.
It didn´t take as long as I feared. My daughter called me from the emergency ward and we were able to go home. I was calm and rested instead of dissolved, stressed and a nervous wreck. Tired yes,
but mentally relaxed. God was there with me in the car. And he was in the hospital with my child.
A few days later I attended a "writing retreat" in the evening. A friend from the Netherlands leads a Zoom-meeting once a month, where we read the Bible and exchange our thoughts. We start with lectio devina together and then we have an hour alone, in which everyone writes on her own. Then we meet again for virtual exchange. It's always a special time. We are about 8 women from about 6 countries. I haven't known most of them before. But Jesus unites us across all national and age boundaries. (Get in touch with me if you would like to join me for Janneke´s next online writing retreat!)
This time the theme was "Don't be afraid":
The disciples are terrified of Jesus' glory and God's voice on the Mount of Transfiguration. Jesus comes to them and touches them. He says, "Don't be afraid!" When they open their eyes and look around, they see only Jesus, Jesus alone. (Matthew 17).
Jesus comes to us, into our fear. He touches us. Speaks to us, comforts us. And if we then dare to open our eyes again, then we see Jesus, only Jesus.
This is what we need in our fear. When we have to wait and don't know what's going to happen. No distraction and no chatter. (Petrus first tried to overplay his fear with babbling and proposed to build three memorials. I was thinking about surfing the Internet or going shopping...) But that was not what was needed. It was important to look at Jesus and be touched and comforted by him in my fear. To look at the mountain and wait.
My child is still not healthy. I am glad when everything is well and over.
It´s your turn Jesus.
"I look up to the mountains - does my help come from there?
My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth!" Psalm 121:1