I started reading an interesting book last week (I often read a nonfiction book in parallel with one of my always-at-hand-novels from the library): "There's so much you don't have to" by Tomas Sjödin. It fits well with my experience with minimalism. If we sort out every unnecessary must that burdens our lives, there is more space, strength, and light for the love-must. In comparison and adaptation, we often put ourselves under pressure. And books like "100 things you have to see before you die" don't make it any better! Instead of being grateful for all that we can experience, we regret all that we have missed. But Epikur has already said that happiness is not to be found in wealth, but in the reduction of our desires.
Limitation as liberation. I experience this freedom in my closet when there are not so many unnecessary options to choose from as well as in my kitchen: the available drawers set a limit to the amount of stuff. When they are full, it is enough. Now I only need to open the kitchen drawers once a week to write my grocery list: usually there are 3 packs of flour missing, 1 glass of tomato sauce, 1 glass of corn, and so on. While my pantry supplies are now well stocked (more than half of the kitchen drawers are filled with food) I will try to be doing grocery shopping only every other week. Except for fresh food, of course. But big supermarkets combined with the pandemic stress me. How should I keep my distance? I'd rather go to the small grocery store next door. (And soon I will be testing the zero-waste store in the big city!) In any case, limits (such as the drawer size, but also those like my resilience) help that my life stays balanced. The limitation is good for me because it brings liberation. There's so much you don't have to! And everyone can find his or her own way together with God. I am relieved that God does not compare us! He puts things on my heart and goes at a pace with me that suits me. I don't have to do all the good things. I don't have to make a career in a job. I don't have to go to the gym. I don't have to wear modern clothes and makeup. I do not have to be successful.
Sjödin had two sick sons who died early, and he says, "You don't have to be enough. It's enough to be there. Anything beyond that is a bonus."
That is grace. When you realize that you cannot do it on your own and stop pulling yourself together. When you are willing to accept help. I don't have to prove anything to God. And I don't have to prove anything to myself either.
Last week it was finally allowed that our best friends could stay for a visit with us! (We've all been tested for the virus before.) It was a good time, especially for the kids. But sometimes there are rivalries among friends, too. Who makes it better? We compare our way of living and want to convince the other to do the same. It may be that there is a good motive behind it and it still comes out lovelessly. And that happens when we put too much pressure on ourselves because we want to do everything right. I don't have to. I don't have to do everything right. And I don't have to make my friends' lives better. I may give both to God. But what I have to do, the most important commandment, is to love. And love does not mean improving the other, even if it is well-intentioned. Love means taking the other as he is. It becomes practical when I think about what I am grateful for. I want to look at the good in the other. And maybe also at the good in me? Not on what can be improved but for what I am grateful for! In my kids, my husband, my friends.
What am I grateful for when I look at my own character? We are far too critical! I want to rejoice in what is good in me.
And our biggest weaknesses are partly our greatest strengths. That is where God helps. That is where grace works best.
I´ve loved you the way my Father has loved me. Make yourselves at home in my love! If you keep my commands, you´ll remain intimately at home in my love. I´ve told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one antother the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love." John 15:9-12