Yesterday morning I had such a severe headache. I wasn´t able to do anything I had planned and was completely out of action. I sat uselessly in my armchair and waited and prayed that it would pass after neither tablets nor stretching exercises helped.
I was annoyed that I couldn't do anything. I wanted to write and cycle to the post office. Get things done. But then I accepted the fact that this morning remains unproductive and that I am just sick and have to take care of myself. And this giving up and accepting was good. I massaged and warmed my muscles and sat on my armchair with my eyes closed. Took care of me and perceived my body. Let go.
And then, when it had just subsided a bit, a child with a big, urgent school problem came to me. A disappointment, the rejection of the desired theme for the dissertation. How should you find a new topic so quickly? Panic spread and anger. Why did the plan not work out?
But then we talked about the possibilities that were still available and found a much better topic within a very short time, which will certainly be easier to edit.
We took advantage of the crisis and made an opportunity out of it. God has closed a door, and we have had the opportunity to find a better way. The curse has turned out to be a blessing.
My headache was completely gone. And I was amazed at how strong I was in my weakness. God used me and I could help. We did something important this morning, which was actually lost and which I had already written off. I was empty and yet there was something in me that was productive and helpful. I was strong even though I was weak.
How often would it be better if we would sit quietly on an armchair and close our eyes in between than to work through our todo list and always be busy. Even when we have nothing to do, we look at our phone or do something because we want to be busy and hard-working. But if we're sick, it's just not possible. And that is why physical weakness is also a blessing. It shows us how helpless we are. How dependent. How much we need Jesus. His mercy, his intervention. How vulnerable we are. We want to manage everything on our own and yet we have so little power.
God holds our lives in his hands. And the lives of our children. And he's good! Even if we don't understand why we have headaches or why our children's plans don't succeed.
Even if it are worse things and the solution doesn't happen on the same day.
Do I trust God to make something good out of the bad? That all things serve for the good?
Can I let go and wait?
Waiting for my savior.
He will come in time. Even though I don't know if the rescue will look like what I imagine it will be, as I expect it to be. Perhaps God also disappoints our expectations. But his motive is always love.
He knows better than we do what is good for us.
And that's what makes it so hard to believe. That trust and letting go. When the pain is greatest and the situation hopeless.
God is there.
He was in the whale with Jonah. With Joseph in prison. With Lazarus in the grave.
And he is with us in our small and great disasters.
I want to learn to trust and marvel at what He can make of crises.
But I am still afraid of the really bad crises.
It is good that God has promised to not expect us to carry more than we can bear. It is good that He knows the end and that nothing gets out of control or becomes too complicated for him.
He is our savior. He has promised that He will put everything in order.
But not in my order, but in His.
Seems like I have to be flexible and adapt to surprises...
"Quiet down. Sit down and rest. Recover your strength.
Gather around me. Say what´s on your heart. Together let's decide what's right." Isaiah 41:1 (The Message)
"I, your God, have a firm grip on you and I´m not letting go. I´m telling you, "Don't panic. I'm right here to help you." Isaiah 41:13 (The Message)
"Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become." 2 Corinthians 12:10 (The Message)
"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along… He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our condition, and keeps us present before God. That´s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good." Romans 8:26-28 (TheMessage)
"Those who wait upon God get fresh strength." Isaiah 40:31
"Don´t be afraid! Christ the Savior is born!" Luke 2: 12