A gap of weeks on my blog. Because of a gap in my eye:
The vitreous body in my right eye detached from the retina.
My vision suddenly got worse. Since then there is a wandering point in my vision and even worse: a blurry vision like a stain that can´t be removed from my contact lenses or my glasses because it is a cloud on my lense that I can see all the time.
In the ophthalmic hospital the doctor diagnosed retinal detachment and prescribed a reading rest for two weeks.
Not being allowed to read is hard for everyone (only think of what you read alone on your smartphone!) but it is especially hard for a bookworm like me!
It was a cold turkey.
I did feel carried by God and was open to learn new things, but those two weeks were hard and long!
I tried a few different things: audible books for example.
What should I say… I´m not as good in listening as I am in reading. It´s totally different: an alien voice; at constant speed which is mostly too slow, but in some important passages too fast; my thoughts wander (which does not happen to me while reading); it´s not refreshing.
I just wanted to get done with the audio book, it was no pleasure listening to it.
I also listened to talks. That was better. But even to chose a talk on youtube, you have to read the contents first to being able to chose what you want to listen to… It´s complicated when you are not allowed to read!
My family read my text messages aloud and answered them for me.
Also labels, recipes, signs, everything.
One is very dependent when not being able to read!
I had times that I didn´t know how to fill.
Reading and writing is my life, my calling!
Listening to the bible on my phone was no satisfying alternative either. What did God want to show me?
I knew this challenge was a big chance to learn new things.
But most of the time it felt just like a long time of waiting.
I was allowed to watch movies and go for walks. But sometimes I just sat there and did nothing.
I contemplated, I waited, I stared into space. My brain was like in a sleep mode.
Input diet. Stimuli reduction. That´s also a form of minimalism…!
But it was also a beneficial time of rest, a Sabbath.
God loves me, even if I do nothing productive.
He is able to talk to me in different ways, even if I am slow in noticing.
He is able to sharpen my senses, to slow me down and make me more attentive.
The bible talks a lot about seeing. About having eyes to see. About looking up to God.
But maybe as much about listening to God:
“Are you listening to me? Really listening?” asks Jesus in Matthew 11, 15 and elsewhere.
The Word of God is a spoken word in the first place, then a written word also.
And it is my heart that receives His word: my heart has eyes and ears.
And my heart is not dependent on my sensory organs:
I can see Jesus when I am blind, I can listen to His voice when I am deaf.
But nevertheless I am so happy to being able to read again!
I feel like waking up from a long sleep like Sleeping Beauty!
The spot in my vision is still there. Unfortunately it is quite big and central. Non operable.
But there is hope that it will sink down a bit and that I will get used to it more.
But it is a disturbance I must learn to live with.
I will have such good a vision in heaven! Even without contact lenses. My senses will be that clear and sharp!
And not only that, who knows what our new bodies will be able to sense and do??
How many different senses we will have in heaven?
There are a lot of different senses among animals and even plants that we can´t imagine or even think about.
Ultrasound or infrared are just simple examples.
But some senses are not even discovered yet!
What will we be able to sense and experience in heaven one day?
I´m curious about it!
Parts of Romans 8:
Instead of redoubling my own efforts, I simply embrace what the Spirit is doing in me. I want to live and breathe God! Attention to God leads me out into the open, into a spacious, free life.
God himself has taken up residence in my life. I don´t owe this old do-it-yourself life one red cent!
I wait for God´s new creation, for what´s coming next. And in this waiting I am enlarged. The longer I wait, the larger I become and the more joyful my expectancy. It´s like the joy of giving birth, although it is painful.
Every detail in my life of love for God is worked into something good.