Today I´m kind of tired. I have a birch allergy. I am weak. Not only physically.
I see how little I understand. How often I live in my small box and have no clue how other people are doing and what I can do to help. But: Especially in moments like these I recognize, how God is working in and through me. A paradoxon. The athmosphere at home is bored and I do something funny without purpose and everyone laughs. Without thinking I fold a little paper plane and three people join me and are having fun. Start laughing and warming up. I stumble into something fun and it´s a good time for us all. Not that I had planned these things educationally and lovingly or that I had thought hard how to brighten up my family. Such things just happen. God is using us and we don´t even recognize it. And I think, especially when we don´t even recognize it.
We live one step at a time. One day at a time. One word at a time.
Do we take our time to just sit and dream? To reflect and be thankful? To savor the moments our kids are happy? It´s a present. We can´t make it.
Can I step aside long enough in my life to see what God is doing?
Am I open for his ideas, although I had other plans?
Actually we wanted to go to the States this summer as a family. We even tried to book tickets several times. But every time something went wrong! Once there was a connecting problem just during the progress of paying. Then the credit card did not work for such a big sum. We tried to book on at least four different days but had no luck. Then we started to think: Is it a sign? Does God have other plans for us? And now we are happy, we have no tickets! Now we know why!....
My husband likes having a good plan and wanted to find an alternative soon. But I had the feeling, we should wait some time longer and decide spontaneously this year, concerning our family vacation.
Sometimes I get stressed and don´t listen to my feelings. But I want to learn to listen to God´s soft voice. A soft voice that sometime is no more than a feeling; sometimes is quite clear, when God closes doors and plans can´t be put into action. But at least it is good to stop and ask then, what God´s plans are. I don´t want to be “ornery like a horse or mule that needs bit and bridle to stay on track”! (Psalm 32)
Psalm 18 is one of my favorite psalms (I like the Message Bible best):
Now I´m alert to God´s ways; I don´t take God for granted. Every day I review the ways he works; I try not to miss a trick. I feel put back together, and I´m watching my step…
Is not this the God who armed me, then aimed me in the right direction?
My free and freeing God, towering! This God set things right for me.
God stood me up on a wide open field; I stood there saved – surprised to be loved!
Finally the full quarantine in my part of the world has come to an end and we are allowed to go into the woods for a walk and do some mountain hiking again. Most shops are still closed and we should not leave the house for long and avoid other people, but it was nature we missed most. (We are a family of five so we are not as lonely as people who live solo.)
Today we planned on going to the mountain behind our home. But at night a fire started there. ( I really hope, they can put it out soon, because everything is so dry!)
So we will do our hiking somewhere else today. Who knows why!
I don´t know a lot of things. (But I do not think, that God sends catastrophes in order to warn us from wrong ways in our lives! I mean the pandemic and the fire did not start for us! We are not that important.)
But God knew what would happen. He knows the future: globally and individually. He is an organisation genius who misses nothing. I want to look to him and obey trustingly.
„What´s next, Papa?“
One step at a time.
„Stalwart walks in step with God;
his path blazed by God, he´s happy.
If he stumbles, he´s not down for long;
God has a grip on his hand.“ (Psalm 37, 23-24)